Do you find yourself constantly struggling to reach your goals?
Are you frustrated with all the effort you put in, only to not finish or be rewarded?
There are hidden traits that everyone has which keep us in a position of not reaching our ideal goals or achieving the success which we desire.
I want you to understand that knowing these traits and finding them within yourself is the first step to improving your life. When you know what you are up against, it is always easier to fight the battle.
The most common trait has been with you through your entire life; it began sometime during your childhood, without you evening knowing it. Think about this…
Were you fearless as a child? Did you take risks? How many times did you do that ridiculously dangerous thing even though your parents told you not to do it?
Are you still fearless? Do you still take risks? Are you still taking potentially dangerous actions?
I am guessing that the answers about your childhood were “yes” and the once about your present life are “no.”
Why is this?
It is because of the hidden self-defeating trait.
Knowing how to recognize this trait will help you figure out a way of improving your life and ridding yourself of this unpleasant behavior.
You may notice that there are activities you would like to participate in or actions you would like to take, but you simply cannot bring yourself to do so. You may even know that you will have fun or enjoyment, yet you still cannot do it. This is because your hidden trait is keeping you away from the experience.
On the other hand, you may find the opposite to be true. You find yourself taking part in activities which you know will cause suffering. Eating that whole piece of cake, allowing yourself to watch TV instead of exercise, or going shopping instead of completing that important task are all activities which cause you suffering.
Something is holding you back. Something is keeping you from doing the things that you know you should be doing or you would like to be doing. This thing is your number one self-defeating trait. It is fear.
Here are the most common warning signs that FEAR is holding you back:
- You find that those around you feel that you are not close with them. You push others away or keep them at a distance. You may find yourself eating alone instead of letting other see you eat, or you may find that you are at home watching TV while all your friends are at the party. This is because you are afraid of letting others know your pain. You want to keep your pain to yourself.
- You find that you do not allow yourself to have fun. Having fun would mean that you are happy, and you are not. Instead, you would rather punish yourself for your current state with activities that keep you from socializing, meeting new people, and enjoying life.
- Along with avoiding fun, you may also discover that you reject those around you who treat you well. How many times have you accepted a compliment without rectifying it with a degrading statement about yourself? It is hard to allow others to kind to you when you do not feel you deserve it.
- You discover that you also do not accept help from others. You want to do it all alone. Partially because you are stubborn, but also because you are afraid that they may judge you. When others do try helping you, you push them further away. Unfortunately, trying to go it alone will only leave you in the vicious cycle keeping your distance and not allowing yourself to have fun.
You are not alone. Most people who are overweight (I know I was) do not want to let others too close to them. The fear of letting someone else know your pain is debilitating, even if it would be helpful to let them know. Staying in this confinement will only deepen the sadness and frustration.
It is difficult to be successful and happy when you have the hidden self-defeating trait of fear keeping you stuck. However, I do not want to leave you with this frustration. I have been in this place of frustration, pain, and unhappiness. I have come out the other side glowing and now I want to help you too.
Take the week to observe how you react to various situations. See if you notice any of these clues within your daily life. Then, read next week’s post where I am going to share with you tips for getting out of the rut and overcoming the fear.