I had lost the weight once, and I was doing pretty good. I had lost 124 pounds. Now, I need to lose the weight again. After keeping the weight off for nearly 5 years, it began to creep back on. Slowly, at first. But then, my life changed and it started to pile on.
Maybe my body had to put the weight back on to prove to my mind that it is easy. The first time I lost weight it felt easy. I started eating healthier and exercising more. The weight seemed to melt right off.
I was teaching, but I didn’t have kids at the time so maybe it was easier to dedicate the time to lose weight. I was married and teaching. But, that isn’t the same as having kids.
I had a great start and was just shedding the pounds. About 6 months into my weight loss, my ex left me for someone else. It was horrible. But, at that time it made me push even more to lose weight. I began to blame myself for the separation because I was fat which made me ugly. At least that is what I thought.
Over the next year, I moved back to my hometown and worked a ton on my mental state. Still losing weight without too much difficulty. Eating healthy and exercising was not a problem because it was just me so it was my work schedule I was working around. The only other thing I had to do was walk my dog, which was actually extra exercise so great. <insert picture of Loki>
Along with all the great healthy eating and exercising, I did a lot more with my mental health. I began to dig deeper into my Bible studies and some studies of other religions. This made me happy learning about other religions and reflecting upon them as to how Christianity and my God has had such a large impact. I began to let God control my mind and recognized that everything that was happening was in his plan.
At this point I was making huge life changing decisions that would affect my life from therein out. I wanted to share what I had learned and the success I had in losing weight with others. I began by working for a healthy living site as an online teacher, but then I shifted into creating my own healthy living business. (This one right here. It has changed a lot over the years but that is a story for another day.)
I made a couple other huge decisions. One was that it wasn’t my fault my ex left, but theirs. I also decided that I was done looking for love, and that I would just let it come when it was time. This took a huge load off my shoulders. I felt a huge burden lift and the last few pounds I needed to lose, melted right off.
I also found the love of my life. If none of the other stuff had happened, I wouldn’t have been lead to fine my true love. I had lost my weight, I was in love again, and I was enjoying life.
Eventually I moved in with my at the time boyfriend who I had been in a long distance relationship with for 2 years. This was great. I could spend time with him every day now, instead of only on the phone. It was another burden lifted.
I found another job teaching, but I was still building my business and eating healthy and exercising. I was able to maintain most of my weight loss.
Then his son moved in with us and he had full-time custody. This was a great thing because I always wanted a family, and it was starting to build itself. Unfortunately, I became complacent. I was slowly shortening my exercise sessions and not always eating as healthy. I also stopped working on my business because I was feeling like a hypocrite and did not know how anyone would belief what I was sharing.
The weight was slowly putting itself back on. I kept telling myself it needed to stop, but for some reason could not get back to what I knew I needed to be doing. Seven years of slowly gaining weight back put me about 75 pounds heavier than my happy weight. This was frustrating to me. I was starting into a slump, but then I became pregnant.
I was so happy. I started eating healthy again and exercising on a regular basis. I wanted my baby to be healthy. Throughout the pregnancy I had perfect stats. I had perfect blood pressure, no diabetes, and I only gained about 15 pounds. Since I was already overweight, this meant that I safely lost some weight while being pregnant. Awesome news! But, I don’t have those awesome belly growing photos because I was already overweight and did not really show. Plus, I was embarrassed to be on camera. I did not like the way I looked and did not feel good in my skin.
Then, I had my beautiful baby boy. The baby weight fell right off and I even lost an additional 10 pounds. However, this did not last. I was breastfeeding so it was an ideal time to lose the weight because according to science, a breastfeeding baby consumes approximately 1000 calories a day from the mom. This was great because I could use that to my advantage. Unfortunately, I did not do this. I used it as an excuse to allow myself to stop paying attention to what I was eating.
We had already decided that I would be a stay at home mom. So, I finished out the school year, then quit teaching for good. I was home with my baby and my stepson when they needed me without having to work around a work schedule. This also meant that I should have had all the time in the world to focus and lose all that weight. And get back to what I loved doing, helping other live happy healthy lives by growing my business. Especially while my older son was at school.
It didn’t’ really happen that way. I would scroll through my photos and just cry. Why? Because there were plenty of pictures of my baby, my bonus son and my husband, but not very many of me. I missed having memories saved of me with my family. I missed out on those great selfies with my baby to document our time and his growth. All because I was too ashamed of the way I looked. It still makes me cry as I write this.
Then, COVID happened and everyone was home. I began living in the would have, should have, why didn’t I state. I was so angry with myself for not using all that time to my advantage and losing the weight that I knew I could lose.
What happened then was crazy. I felt another great burden lifted. I no longer had to fight with my son to get him up and to the bus in the mornings. I no longer had to spend my evenings arguing and fighting with him to get his assignments and homework done.
I had always wanted to homeschool my kids. Since we had already decided to homeschool our baby, we decided to permanently homeschool our older son too. This may seem like it would make life much harder, but in reality, it has actually made it much easier. I have gotten back to eating healthy, I have been able to begin exercising more and lose the weight. I am also able to spend more time focusing on how I can help other mompreneurs successfully lose weight while raising kids, growing their business, and spending quality time with their spouse.
As I sit with my 2 year old and hold him I just bust out in tears. I want to be healthy for him, I want to be able to do more things with him without feeling like a failure. I don’t want my weight to stop me from being able to go on adventures with him.
I am finding time for me again, and I am feeling great again. Once again I am on this weight loss journey. I know how to do it and I know that I can do it. It is a matter of doing it at this point. I am going to do it again.
Maybe I gained the weight because it was God’s way of showing my stubbornness that it really is easy. That it seemed easy the first time because it is. Especially when you have everything you need, when you have the tools that will help you.
I have already done the years of research, and gone through the experience. Now, it’s time for me to use that experience for myself and for others.
I want to share my story with everyone because I want everyone to know that it is possible to lose the weight and be healthy no matter where you are at or what you are doing in life.